i'm so sick of being sick and tired- whoever had the mind to put those words together and make such a commonly used expression is quite a person.

but literally, i am sick...and i am sick of being sick. i called into work today to only be griped out. all i know is if i am ever to be a boss that God will grant me the peace not to do that to someone. truthfully no wonder everone is quitting...you can't treat your employees like crap and then expect them to work their hardest for you.

then their is college. it's almost like it is a pit of unknown wonders. i applied to one place. the place that i once thought would be the last place i would ever apply to, and now it is the college of my dreams. but to my disappointment it is more expensive then SWOSU, by a mere $3.11 an hour. and my parents think that it will be best to go here. it feels like my heart has been torn. i'm not fighting with them, this will be a silent battle on my part. if God wants me there he will get me there. but SWOSU's scholarship deadline was Feb 1, which was 2 days ago. i didn't apply to one of them. not out of hatred towards my parents. i just didn't know too, because at that point i was definitely going to UCO, and now there is question. but the point is UCO is the best for my profession. Southwestern doesn't offer speech pathology. and i can't become an elem. education with an emphasis on speech path. if i go to swous. i could get my teaching degree here and then switch, but the fact is it will be more expensive, because i would have to get my master's before i could do my interning at UCO for speech path. and maybe i am just speaking too soon. but the senioritis is getting to me...it's almost like all i am doing is filling out scholarship after scholarship and it's not getting me anywhere.i just don't know what to do anymore.

maybe it's just that i never thought that the things that have happened this year would ever happen. things that are still mind blowing and still hurtful to even think about. but i guess that's the up and downs of life you have to learn to deal with. i just think that there's supposed to be more than this to life.

should i bite my tongue til blood soaks my shirt..

oh the senior year. its quite awkward at times.but if thats what i have to go through for me to graduate, by all means bring it on.but thats all i got/

i swear.

so.

yearbook conference tomorrow/ well actually today... what i am doing. i am on the computer at 3:21 a.m. and i have to wake up at 5:30 a.m. . i swear.

thinking//

panel pictures = worst day of my life

i'm glad bluncks will not be doing my senior pictures...or maybe just that the girl won't.

teaching kaisa how to drive a standard = most amazing time/laugh til you pee pants/kill the car one more time/the stick making gagging noises/not being close enough to push the clutch in all the way but have you knees plastered to the steering wheel/me killing it more times than she did/...ahh... it was amazing

so we had people break in to our backyard and swim in our pool....hmm...whats wrong with that picture.....i don't get it.

still looking for a job..i think God is trying to teach me to be patient. hmm..

i'm done...at least for now.

oh.summer.

so. its been awhile since i've been on here. it was nice to have a xanga break.

but instead of being on xanga all the time, i was on myspace.

so my senior pictures are coming up and the closer they get the more i realize how much crap i have to do. ahh...

so jes is gone. and i'm lost.

hmm...

still job hunting. i will find one. its just not the right time. partly b/c no one is hiring.

if only i didn't have parents who made me pay for my crap. no. i am blessed with the parents i have.

well i think im going to get off here.